When my body became ill, and my doctor said I had to stop work, I was devastated. I felt I was living the dream... Director of Operations for a mid sized International Advertising Agency based out of Vancouver, Canada.. my dream job. How could a break from it be good for me. Wasn't this what everyone strived for.. professional success?
Over the next few months, I felt as though I lost everything, including what I believed to be my true identity. One afternoon during this time, while my colleagues were busy feeling empowered at their work and my daughter was busy learning at school, I sat alone in my home office. Curtains closed to the outside sunshine, I felt like I was in a dungeon plotting for the release of my very soul.
My desk was organized with precision, a small desk lamp illuminating my journal and nothing else. I was looking for direction and support, something to hang onto. What is happening to me? How can I fix it?
I wrote my question and awaited inspiration. When I finally did land pen to paper I perceived a very interesting response. Turn off the lamp and open the drapes. Allow the natural light of the Universe, the light of the omnipotent God to illuminate life! Accept that there is a power greater than brilliant me, that understands and knows the higher truth how to navigate this dimension called life earth. And, craziest of all ideas, it doesn't matter if I understand what's going on. What if how things look is not as important as how I feel? What if I didn't have to understand and have control over every line in my story?
It was a revelation for me. From my earliest memories I held the belief that I must be in control of my life. My life needed to look a certain way for me to understand what to do next. I believed that my decisions would make or break me and on my most delusional days, all of my loved ones.
Over the next few months, I felt as though I lost everything, including what I believed to be my true identity. One afternoon during this time, while my colleagues were busy feeling empowered at their work and my daughter was busy learning at school, I sat alone in my home office. Curtains closed to the outside sunshine, I felt like I was in a dungeon plotting for the release of my very soul.
My desk was organized with precision, a small desk lamp illuminating my journal and nothing else. I was looking for direction and support, something to hang onto. What is happening to me? How can I fix it?
I wrote my question and awaited inspiration. When I finally did land pen to paper I perceived a very interesting response. Turn off the lamp and open the drapes. Allow the natural light of the Universe, the light of the omnipotent God to illuminate life! Accept that there is a power greater than brilliant me, that understands and knows the higher truth how to navigate this dimension called life earth. And, craziest of all ideas, it doesn't matter if I understand what's going on. What if how things look is not as important as how I feel? What if I didn't have to understand and have control over every line in my story?
It was a revelation for me. From my earliest memories I held the belief that I must be in control of my life. My life needed to look a certain way for me to understand what to do next. I believed that my decisions would make or break me and on my most delusional days, all of my loved ones.
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