the past

Look at the past.. but don't stare.

I am a buffalo. I feel strength within my shoulders. The weight of my brow grounds me into the ancient earth beneath my hooves. There is no use for fear in this earthly experience as I was created ready to defend and protect. Through the wisdom passed on by my ancestors I will always know what to do, and where to go; a dedicated lookout, ever prepared to respond appropriately to any possible opportunity with confidence.

And then, confused, I notice I am facing backwards. What I see, has already transpired. I am standing strong against the past. Which leads me to realise, with increasing panic, my delicate rump is facing forward… facing the unknown with little to no protection, or available insight.I experienced this vision during a guided meditation. At the time I was in a relationship which offered me the same painful drama I had experienced repeatedly my throughout my life. In spite of the grief the relationship continued to inflict, it was where I believed I belonged. Reliving past painful scenarios provided me the twisted comfort of perceived safety since I’d survived them at least once already.. in my past. I guess you might say.. the devil you know. With this moment of clarity I came to understand that it is my past that would captain my future.

I asked myself, how can I achieve my full potential.. spread my wings beyond what I have experienced, if my past is guiding my future? I began to focus on what was happening in my present. I read every publication dedicated to the subject. It is from this rigorous study, along with a life changing illness, that I developed a love and commitment to following the YES.